Condition Serious Hai

A huge digital counter has been installed near the television in the living room of Mr Sharma. The family members seated on a sofa stared at it with their hands joined in prayer. The expressions on their faces alternated between sorrow and joy depending on the rate at which the counter was increasing. A few other members of the family were busy attending calls from strangers expressing their support. Just another increment in the counter and the task would be completed. But it didn’t. The counter freezed at 99,99,999. Still hopeful of reaching the target, they started singings hymns in praise of the almighty while recollecting the circumstances in their subconscious mind that led to the current state of serious affairs.

Mrs Sharma was an extrovert, a typical face booker and a woman who loves to hog in the limelight and would go to any extent for it. She had created thousands of facebook pages for various film personalities, tourist locations, cats, dogs and even aliens. Wouldn’t it sound great to say that your pages have a cumulative fan count of a million, even if that meant a hundred fans or less for each of the thousands of pages created? She wasn’t satisfied with the moderate amount of attention she received from media houses who often contacted her for advice on spamming Facebook. After a deep thought, she decided that controversy is the way to go and what else can be better than a controversy on the existence or the nonexistence of God!

She, who barely got passing marks in college, began to derive a formal proof in mathematics starting from basic axioms and ending in complex mathematical objects to prove the nonexistence of God. Three months of hard work and she finally typed the letters QED at the end of the thousand page document. She uploaded it to a Facebook page and likes started pouring in from people all around the world, probably having supernatural powers who could read a long, boring and senseless 1000 page document in seconds. The number of fans grew to 99,99,999 in a week. With a smile on her face, she clicked the like button on her page and became the official 1 crore-th fan of herself. But the smile didn’t stay long enough. God ka condition serious hua and he cursed Mrs Sharma from the heaven above.

You have committed an unforgivable sin. The baby in your womb shall bear the brunt of your blasphemous acts. Unless you create a Facebook page for me and garner 1 core likes for it, I will not breathe complete life into your baby.

The sky fell. Life paused. It’s time for a 5 five star break.

God watching all the happenings in Sharma’s family had a good laugh. The doctors declared that all their efforts to  save the mother and the child would go in vain unless God breathes complete life into the child. God chuckled away to himself at the thought of how the once non-existent became omnipresent in times of troubles.

The Sharma family each carrying a laptop and a USB dongle in their hands moved from house to house begging for likes. They even went to the extent of forcing old people in their deathbeds to register on Facebook and like the page. But the likes count stayed constant. Every new like was levelled with an unlike from someone else in the world. They created another Facebook page whose aim was to drive likes to the first page. The second page garnered more than 10 core likes in a day but the first page failed to receive its last needed like. A fierce battle was taking place between God on one side and humans and the Sharma family on the other side.

In another far off world, Brahma and Yama ka condition serious hua. Unless the baby is allowed to take life on Earth, Brahma cannot scribble on new foreheads and Yama cannot kill people as the pages in their books were filled up and some of them were to be erased to allow the souls to take birth or die in a cycle. They went to God (Vishnu) and requested that he stop his play and allow the life on Earth to return to normalcy. They pointed out to the Earth and showed how robbers and murders were freely doing their work without fear of being pushed for their deeds in hell as they knew that, death, for now, has been postponed indefinitely due to unavailability of empty pages.

Vishnu was reluctant to give up and so were Yama and Brahma. Their condition became serious. A fierce battle started. Arrows, chakras, and every other ancient weapon was seen in the sky. The condition of the entire world also appeared to be serious.

But even in such a serious condition, there was one who was smiling to himself - the baby in Mrs Sharma’s womb. He memorised Vedas and Puranas quietly from the womb when Sharma’s mother recited them every day in the morning as a part of her prayers. He recalled a line which said ‘When the Gods fight, their power can be taken over by anyone who wishes so’. The transfer of powers was done. He, from the womb with his newly acquired powers created a Facebook account for himself and became the 1,00,00,000^th fan of God. Mrs Sharma delivered the boy. Lessons were learnt.

People started behaving sensibly on social networks and Gods never again fought. Seriousness paved way to joy. 

This post has been written for 'Condition Serious Hai' contest on IndiBlogger. Check out Cadbury's 5 star facebook page here.