Accepting Solitude

Holding a mug of hot coffee in my hand, I moved in languid steps towards the window. It hadn’t rained so much for the past few years. It seemed to me as if nature was trying to shed all its sorrow by crying to its heart’s content and letting out its pain in the form of rain drops. I too wanted to do the same - cry out to my heart’s content and get rid of all the pain and suffering for ever. But not a drop of tear would come out of my eyes. For days together, I sat in one corner of a dark room, weeping all the time. My eyes got vexed up to an extent where they would never again cooperate and help me get relieved of my sorrow. Only death can separate me from the expanse of sorrow that I am downed in. I looked at the window pane. The rain drops were playing over its surface, making the view outside hazy. I strained my eyes and tried to look through the chaos but I couldn’t find anything except a vast expanse of vacuum. The view outside reflected the state of my mind - the state of someone who lost his beloved, wept for years rejecting the condolences by others and finally decided to live in isolation - a life of solitude.

I looked around me. It was all empty except for the lifeless furniture and the chime bells hung all over the house. Every time there is a slight breeze, the music from the bells seemed to ridicule my decision of living in solitude and arguing that I was not really alone. There was sound in the air and life in even the elements of nature. I can never be alone, they argued. The music from these bells and the sparrows outside brings peace of mind which the presence of people from the race of humans only aggravates my sorrow. Everyone offers condolences, insists that I forget the past and start a new life. If it is that easy to forget? Would the human race have existed till today if forgetting was a norm? Even if they maintained silence, my heart wouldn’t stop crying. The countless souls appeared to have no meaningful role to play in my life in the absence of the one that I wanted to be a part of me. The can augment her but not replace. Even a thousand stars cannot outshine the sun.

The rain stopped and the view outside was cleared of the haziness that had earlier eclipsed it.

There was a bird sitting on the top of a branch, staring at the ground below. Its soul mate was lying there covered in blood. The strong gales had uprooted a tree which was now proudly seated on the bird’s back. The one staring down had rejected being a part of the flock. The remaining birds left it all alone to allow it to lead a life of its own and flew away. The lonely bird was still staring at the one lying below, but it didn’t shed even a single drop of tear. It would be living a life of solitude, far away from all other birds. But even in that solitude, memories from the past would be its companion.

I turned away from the window and walked towards the aquarium. There was just one fish left. All the others had died due to my negligence. The lonely fish was continuously moving from one corner to the other, hoping to find atleast one alive fish. It is yet to accept the life of solitude thrust upon it. It will, some day.